Welcome to my…

Life. This winter has been extremely hard on me. Fuckin’ hell, it just snowed a couple days ago! In mid-March! I don’t know, maybe it has to do with being 31. Is anyone else out there 31? And having a hard winter?

Some of you may have noticed that I don’t blog about work. It’s true. I choose not to, not only because I’ve noticed several companies firing employees for blogging, but also because I like my job. I have nothing to complain about, and even if I did, I wouldn’t put it here. So at least my job is going well.

My favorite emotional dead end seems to be romantic relationships. It’s so easy for me to get depressed when I don’t get the response I desire. And then I get caught up in cyclic thinking, wondering if I will ever feel connected to someone ever, ever again. Oh, the drama overwhelmeth.

Steel Pans, Ethan Keller on guitar Eitan Silver on drums

So a couple months ago, I quit One Drum. Tonight, I met someone named Josie Jozi (totally cute with tattoos [yum]), and when I introduced myself as “Roman,” her inquisitive reply was, “Roman from One Drum.” I told her that I just wanted to be a number, an anonymous number, and that I didn’t want to be a number from another number called One Drum. Perhaps I scared her off with my rant. I wanted to tell her that I’d noticed her before and that I found her extremely delicious, but found neither the courage not the words.

I miss Sri Lanka. I miss the warmth of the people, the warmth of the sun. I miss stinky city traffic and crazy three-wheeled taxi rides. I miss drunken music sessions on the beach (I wasn’t drunk, everyone else was). I miss Ruki (who is now in Australia). I miss Roshan, Niroshi, Mayah, Dulip, Susila, Dilini, Ruwani (who is getting married in May!), Annesley, Ranjit (who is in Switzerland), Dikka, Primal, Susantha, Hacha… I miss everyone there. I wonder what the tsunami did to their lives. I know many are okay, but I want to see it with my own eyes.

I was at a house-warming party tonight (where I met Josie Jozi). The hosts (Ethan Keller, Matt Turner & Amber) had a good number of guests over. I wasn’t especially sociable, but managed to converse with a number of people, including Jason Seed & Stephanie Ramp, Jesse Sheehan & Lauren, Dave Wake, Rueven Cocos, Eiton Eitan Silver, Emily & Josie Jozi, Susie Carlson & Jeremy Kuzniar… There were some entertaining musical adventures, including Eiton Eitan & I playing one bass guitar together, Dave Wake playing drums, Jesse (steel drums) & Jesse (sax) jamming crazy shit together. It was cool. Before I left, Amy Seigel & I did some improvised contact dance, which was totally awesome, and in essence fulfilled my need for touch. It was better than sex. But sex would be nice too. LOL.

Heidi John

Earlier yet, I met up with Heidi, John and Marc at the Comet. We talked about stuff: relationships, cameras, life, etc. Heidi remarked on how she noticed my mood shift from outgoing to introspective, and I was awed and overwhelmed that I know people who know me so well. Hides, [your] eyes are a blue million miles (from a Captain Beefheart song, if anyone is curious).

I can’t bloody wait for spring. This prolonged wait is exceedingly difficult.

I also wish people would inform me right away if they have no romantic interest in me, rather than giving me what may be clues that they are leading me on. If you don’t dig me, let me know; I’m a big boy and I can take it. But I can’t take this knocking on a door with no response, knowing that somewhere behind that door is that smiling, laughing Carrie.

I’m starting to wonder if I should become a Buddist monk, or a Jedi Knight. My emotions are dark, and I feel like I’m walking a fine tightrope between shadow and light. Very little piques my interest, save this blog and working my day job. I sometimes miss music. I really miss music. I haven’t yet gotten to the point where I want to really do something about it. Jason & I were talking about some ideas tonight. It would be cool. Let’s see if they come to fruition. I had fun vibing musically with Eiton Eitan. Also, Dave Wake is an eternal musical revelation…

For now, I will content myself with the day-to-day. My brother’s and Heidi’s birthdays are coming up. Celebration will be good. I will not take unanswered phone calls personally. I will strive to be happy. 10-4. Roger, Roger. Over & out.

Posted: March 20th, 2005
Categories: blog, music
Tags: , ,
Comments: 7 Comments.
Comment from John - 21 Mar ’05 at 12:00 am

my god what a horrible (un) likeness of me there Roman.

It looks like my cheek is swollen and I have slipped into a deep melancholy.

I still love you, and I am not sad at all.

Comment from Heidi - 21 Mar ’05 at 11:50 pm

I don’t think you’re picture is all that bad John, although you do look really depressed. I am, of course, adorable in my picture, but I think I also look sad.

Comment from Autumn - 22 Mar ’05 at 9:29 am

Hey Roman,
I am 31 and a scorpio in need of spring’s warm glow too. You know I understand the tighrope dance between dark and light. I also understand your plea to the people of the world to be straight up and honest with their intentions. SO I am intentionally saying HELLO, and am thrilled that you sent me your blog, as I have been wondering what the beegeesus you’ve been doing in Milwaukee!
Mucho Love and Many Blessings,
P.S. I didn’t know you were into tattooed women!!!

Comment from Roman Edirisinghe - 22 Mar ’05 at 12:21 pm

Of course I dig tattooed women. Arrr, matey. Shiver me timbers.

Comment from Don - 22 Mar ’05 at 10:56 pm


For the record, I have no romantic interest in you — but if I were a woman….

This winter has been long and hard. It is more than the weather.. it is the cold political climate in this country. The war culture is sinking in and killing us all I’m afriad.

We can only hope for new life to take root soon in the Spring.


Comment from Roman Edirisinghe - 22 Mar ’05 at 10:58 pm

Fuck this stupid, selfish war!

Pingback from Dancing at the Jazz Estate at Roman Edirisinghe - 9 Aug ’06 at 2:37 pm

[…] I informed bozz Eiton Eitan & Chosie Chozi zat I had w-r-ritten about zem in zis fery blog. I schcrawled out ze UR-r-rL on some paper gleaned from a kigarette box. Hopefully zey vill fisit undt nichtice I v-r-rote about zem again! […]