Cute Giraffe
This just appeared in my inbox, courtesy of Nicole. (source unknown)
Perfect Sideburns
This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. This site sells a product that allegedly aids the user in creating perfect sideburns in 5 minutes. The visuals are fantastic. What a smile, eh? Also, make sure you check out the super-fly guy on the home page. Are these people straight out of the seventies?
Also, for ladies, check out Perfect Bangs! Got a family? Ooh! Get the Family Hair kit. This is sure to get good results among your peers.
Originally found via jasonspage.net.
Talk Like A Pirate Day
Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, which should explain why my blog is suddenly written in Pirate lingo. This is attributed entirely to Dougal Campbell’s Text Filter Suite plugin for Wordpress. Included in the plugin suite are Jive, Kraut, Fudd, and, of course, Pirate.
Need more information about Talk Like A Pirate Day? Visit the official home page!
Rap Lyrics Translated
Standard American English translations of Ebonics in contemporary rap and hiphop tunes.
Hilarity ensues.
This one is from BizBag:
LYRICS:
First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklaces - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can’t make
Call and tell him you’ll be home real late
Let’s sing the breakTRANSLATION:
I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe and jewelry, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars. This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse with me. I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter you from behind. Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm. I understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner. He needn’t be concerned about your whereabouts. Please phone him and inform him that you won’t be home for a while. By the way, please sing the chorus of the song for me also.
The Sheer Idiocy We Breed in the USA
My brother Alex, his friend Max, and I went to Osco to buy some water. While the woman at the checkout counter started ringing up our order, I asked her if anyone had won the $180 million lottery.
To which she replied, “Someone won it. It was $215 million. They were from Idaho or Iowa… one of those farming countries.”
We stifled laughter as we were leaving with our drinks.
Later, I told Nicole about it, and she said there were two especially amusing things about what the check-out lady said:
1) Iowa and Idaho are states, not countries.
2) Wisconsin is ALSO a farming state, and the clearly dim woman had no inkling that she lived in a “farming country,” as she liked to call it.