Archive for the 'humor' CategoryPage 2 of 8

The Lost City

I was not impressed with The Lost City, Andy Garcia’s movie about Cuba. My biggest problem is the fact that it was done in English, and the occasional Spanish words, including Havana, were grossly mispronounced. A movie set in Cuba should be spoken en Español.

For some reason, the English was tough to understand. The fake accents were somehow unable to reach my brain. What I did digest, however, is the following bit of ancient wisdom:

The bird is in the beak
Edith is weak

Sevi Regis’ Eloquence

From the Midwest Christian Bodybuilding site:

“In 1969 at the age of 13, Sevi Regis began bodybuilding and powerlifting as one of the first women training in New York to gain mass and power. Her best lifts were achieved in 1975, when at the age of 18, she deadlifted 385 pounds, squated 300, and benched 185, all natural.

Two years later, Sevi ran a 4:15-minute mile, and the following year, she completed her first NYC 26-mile marathon in 3 hours 29 minutes. Sevi also played local tennis tournaments and practiced for triathlons.

Sevi Regis became one of the first professional personal trainers in New York, and owned a company called, “Physique Finesse” where she’d coach people all over the City. She appeared on several television programs and had a full calendar of clients until 1984, when she changed careers after meeting Jesus Christ in December of 1989.

Currently, Ms. Regis works as an author and independent producer/director. She has written 28 books and screenplays, with 21 books in print as of September 2006. Sevi is also an ordained medical chaplain and served in hospitals and nursing homes for ten years. Now Sevi works to unite faith and fitness in uniquely empowering ways.”

Recently, I’ve had the rare blessing of receiving a heated comment from Sevi herself, in reference to my post about the Birth of Sean Preston statue. Sevi wrote:

The statue is a disgusting and stupid choice of images geared toward a society growing more perverted and dim every day. Do we need to be educated about a bimbo’s ass? Or do we need to cure cancer, redeem the environment, and learn how to communicate properly so we can stop killing each other? Idiots! No original thinking, no worth or social value, just more of a moronic descension into the abyss. Don’t worry, you didn’t shock me; you only made me puke at the thought of you.

All that from a fundamentalist meathead. I’m impressed that the synapses are still firing.

Exquisite Corpse #1

This is an Exquisite Corpse, a collaborative work from 2002 or 2003. Each line represents a new author.

Benny sat down on the park bench, observing the pigeons taking shits in front of him.
And then he died.
He came back alive!
He ran around the room screaming, “Yipee!”
And tripped over the footstool and broke his leg.
Since the break was a compund fracture, the man made a makeshift splint out of popsicle sticks and dust bunnies.
With the splint in place, he made his way through the forest, and drove 23 miles to the aid station.
The drill sergeant asked, “What happened?”

Squirrel Crossing

I beheld a strange sight today. Squirrels usually pick the most random locations along a road to cross, and often with dire consequences. I’ve witnessed many a squirrel meeting the wheels of a passing Cadillac with a crunch.

Not today, however. With my own eyes I beheld a squirrel using the crosswalk. I was approaching a stop sign, and a squirrel walked onto the road as I drove up. He was watching me carefully, and tenaciously made his way across the road. When he got to the other side, he looked at me as if to say, “Didn’t I do a great job?”

I said, “Good job,” and drove home, thinking how great it would be if all squirrels could cross like that. It totally breaks my heart to see animals run over.

Quote Of The Week

I think I know more about your bowels than I do about my own. - N. Sparks